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Wedding Customs United States

A melting pot of settlers from many lands, the US has borrowed almost all its wedding customs from other cultures. Originally, the majority of traditions were of Anglo-Saxon origin because most early immigrants to the "new world" were of that ancestry. For a very long time, other ethnic traditions were largely ignored and all brides were expected to follow the same prescribed set of etiquette rules. But gradually, many of the customs from other cultures were added to and became intertwined with existing practices. Today, the American wedding ceremony–religious or civil–varies greatly from region to region, formal to casual, traditional to unconventional, and many are uniquely themed. Eighty percent of American brides take their husband's surname. Some of the more popularly followed traditions:

It is customary for the groom-to-be to present his bride-to-be with an engagement ring when she accepts his proposal of marriage. It is usually the bride-to-be who purchases her fiancé's wedding band. The most popular groom's rings today are classic bands of gold or platinum, while the bride's wedding ring may or may not contain diamonds or other precious stones.

It has long been tradition for the bride's parents to pay all wedding expenses (this custom originating with the bride's dowry of ancient times), except for certain costs associated with the groom. But these days, the affair may be financed by either or both sets of parents, or by the couple themselves.

Some weeks before the wedding, an affair is hosted by a close friend of the bride and the bride is "showered" with gifts. The bows from the gifts may be threaded into a paper plate and used by the bride for her bouquet at the wedding rehearsal.

A few days before the ceremony, the groom is thrown a "bachelor party" by his groomsmen and it has now become customary for the bridesmaids to hold a "bachelorette party" for the bride on the same night, sometimes with the two parties merging at the end of the evening.

If it is to be any but a short casual ceremony, a rehearsal for everyone who is to take part is held a few days before the wedding and is followed by a dinner.

It is traditional for the bride to wear white for the ceremony, particularly if it is a first marriage, and the accessory of choice is pearls. "Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue, a silver sixpence in her shoe" is the most commonly honored custom, regardless of the style of wedding. Today, something old represents the link with the bride's family and the past–many brides wear a piece of antique family jewelry. Something new represents good fortune in the bride's new life and the wedding gown is often chosen to symbolize the new item. Something borrowed is to remind the bride that friends and family will be supportive if help is needed. The borrowed object might be something such as a lace handkerchief. Something blue, the symbol of faithfulness and loyalty, is often the bride's garter. A silver sixpence in her shoe (not very popular nowadays) is to wish the bride a prosperous marriage.



The Ceremony

Procession ~
The ushers unroll the aisle carpet and the officiant takes his or her place facing the guests, with the groom to the left and the best man and groomsmen to his left. Then comes the seating of the mothers. A modern trend is for the groom to seat his mother, and then take his place beside the officiant. They are followed by the bridesmaids. The maid or matron of honor enters next. Alternatively, the attendants enter together in pairs. The ring bearer and flower girl enter just before the bride, who is escorted by her father.

Unity Candle ~
The lighting of the unity candle symbolizes the merging of two lives into one. In some ceremonies, the lighting of the unity candle will also incorporate the mothers of the bride and groom. The mothers may light separate candles, and then the bride and groom together transfer the flames to the unity candle as it represents the joining together of the two families, as well as the union of the couple in marriage.



The Reception

Receiving Guests ~
If there is to be a receiving line, the customary lineup is bride's mother, bride's father, groom's mother, groom's father, bride, groom, maid of honor, best man, attendants.

Another modern trend is to dispense with the receiving line because the wedding party and others are detained at the church after the ceremony to pose for photographs. Many couples now opt to have guests depart for the reception hall immediately following the ceremony, where they are received by designated friends of the couple who serve as temporary hosts, and are offered light refreshment. This alternative arrangement affords the wedding party a much appreciated period of time in which to relax for the photographs without feeling rushed, knowing their guests are being entertained.

Upon their arrival at the reception, the members of the wedding are announced by the DJ or band as they enter in the same order as for the nuptial, except that the newlyweds enter together last. The newlyweds are thrilled to hear their first public announcement as Mr. and Mrs.

Toasts ~
Sometime before dinner is served (which may range from informal buffet to the most formal sit-down), the best man proposes the first toast to the newlyweds. The bride and groom reply, if they so choose, other members of the wedding may make toasts, and then relatives and those guests who wish to do so, propose toasts to the couple.

Dancing ~
The first dance–-the bride and groom alone, and sometimes with a balloon drop–is followed by a dance of the bride with the groom’s father and the groom with the bride’s mother, later joined by the wedding party, later joined by guests. The money dance often follows in the tradition of either or both of the couple's ethnic heritage.

Bouquet Toss ~
All the single women are called to the dance floor for a chance to catch the bride's bouquet. Lore has it that whoever catches the bouquet will be the next to marry. When tossing the bouquet, the bride's back is towards the group and she tosses the bouquet over her shoulder.

Garter Throw ~
The groom removes the garter from the bride's leg and throws it to the unmarried men. The man who catches it is thought to be the next to marry. The man who catches the garter places it on the leg of the lady who caught the bouquet or they may start the next dance. It's common for the recipients of the bouquet and garter to have a photograph taken with the bride and groom.

Cutting the Cake ~
This is usually the last formal act before the couple leaves the reception. The bride, her hand guided by the groom's, cuts the first piece. There is often a bachelor's cake in addition to the traditional wedding cake. Feeding each other the first piece of cake symbolizes how the couple will nourish their relationship. As for the smearing and pushing cake into each other's faces? No one knows how that started, but hopefully it's a "tradition" that will soon die out.

Send Off ~
Tossing birdseed (or the more elegant use of rose petals) over the newlyweds as they depart the reception, stems from the ancient tradition of throwing rice, which symbolized good fortune. The tying of old shoes on the going-away vehicle is a Hindu custom of good luck and tying tin cans to the bumper are from the notion that loud noises would scare off evil spirits. Ringing bells or setting off firecrackers are still other modern ways these ancient good-luck traditions are observed in the United States.

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